Category: Random Ramblings

Being in a rut sucks. The worst is when I think I am out of one and find out that I am in fact still in one.

I have heard it said that a rut is just a grave with ends missing. I have to say that I definitely feel like I am dying inside when I am stuck in a rut. How does one get out of a rut though? I thought that if I made different choices and did things differently that I would be able to free myself from the rut. That seemed like a simple logical course of action and I was sure it would work. I found out though that it is not that simple. I discovered that after all this change in the end I am still in the same old rut. Nothing is different. How can this be?

It is like a horror movie where you think the protagonist is free from the psycho killer and they pop back out from who knows where to terrorize everyone again. Why won’t that guy just die already?!

Four years ago I was going running every day or close to it. I hardly ever ate sugar, or carbs and I was almost down to my high school freshman year weight. I felt great and then it happened. I blew out both of my knees four weeks apart. I had to stop walking long distances and running was out of the question. I had to sit with my feet up a lot. For someone who was averaging 17,000 steps a day this was a nightmare. I was convinced I would gain all the weight back. I didn’t but I did gain some… much more than I would like.

Then as I was beginning to recover I met someone and began dating. I suddenly had no spare time. Soon I realized that I was not in a healthy relationship and things ended. They ended badly. I quickly found myself returning to old unhelpful habits to cope with the stress. I was also terrified to leave my house alone and not motivated in the least bit to do anything other than go to work and spend time with my mom or my close friends.

After the dust of that disaster settled I set my eyes on recovery and going running again. I did okay for a while and then I blew out my right knee, then after recovering from that I blew out my left. Then I pulled my Achilles’ tendon on my right leg. Then I did it all over again. Over and over. I was in a rut. How did this happen to me? How did this become my life? So for a while I gave up and baked a lot of cookies.

I started to hate myself and felt gross. I needed to do something but I wasn’t sure what. My roommate decided to try the Keto lifestyle and I committed to giving it my all. It was hard but I had a buddy, and I did well for about four and a half months and lost 25 pounds! Yay! I started to have a flicker of hope that I would get the last hundred pounds off. But guess what? That psycho killer popped back up! I began to have serious stomach issues to the point that I was unable to go to that bathroom for several days and when I finally could I was passing blood. I needed to eat fruit. So I went back to a less restrictive diet and gained about 20 pounds back. Unfortunately my tummy is still not quite back to normal all these months later. For just a minute I thought I was out of the rut but it turns out I am not.

So what do I do? The thing is I don’t know. I know there is an answer. I just haven’t found it yet. I know I can find my way to a healthy weight that won’t require me to have surgery. I am not saying gastric bypass surgery is bad it is just not the way I want to go. I am not going to give up. I know the answer is out there so I am still looking… and baking. 😜

I don’t have some magical answer to the question posed at the beginning of this post. You know what? That is okay!

I could beat myself up for still being in the rut, be miserable and hate myself but that would accomplish nothing. Self deprecation accomplishes nothing. Absolom from Alice In Wonderland says “Nothing was ever accomplished with tears.” I quite disagree. Healing is accomplished with tears. However at some point the weeping must end and forward motion needs to happen. Bludgeoning myself with my short comings will make it impossible for me to ever find any kind of breakthrough. It is wallowing in self pity that accomplishes nothing. If I need to cry then I cry! However at some point I have to wipe the tears off my face blow the crud out of my head and try again, and again, and again until I find the answer. In the words of a starship captain “Never give up. Never surrender.” I would however add that one should never give up, or surrender except to the Lord. Always surrender to the Lord.

©️Rachel Anne Redfield 2018

I bet that title got your attention! Well hopefully what follows will merit you attention. 😜

I have been thinking about something lately.

Recently I was conversing with a friend about a situation he was in. He had noticed a friend of his wasn’t responding to him. I suggested that maybe she had a little crush on him and she was trying to figure something out. His response was genuine and raw. “God I hope not!” Followed by the sound you would make when you smell a fowl odor.

*heavy sigh*

Ouch.

You see, I am a chubby girl. I have been a chubby girl most of my life on earth. I am also a living human with a pulse so I have had crushes. Somewhere in high school I just stopped telling guys when I was interested because of responses like that. Responses of horror and disgust. Let me just say rejection sucks but rejection mixed with horror and disgust is pretty soul crushing. Maybe that is why they are called crushes? After a while I learned to just shut certain parts of myself off so I would not be disappointed and demolished.

So I shall now count down ten things I would like you regular sized humans to know…

10. Yes I am going to eat that.

What I choose to shovel down my throat is none of your dang business. You do not need to comment on the volume or on what variety of food stuff I consume. You are not my physician so you need not concern yourself with the level sugar or cholesterol in my hemoglobin. Go eat a cookie, it will make you feel better about your life. Leave me in peace.

9. Yes I am aware that I am large.

I don’t know how many times I have been told I am big. As if you saying that would be some great revelation? Are you serious?

As if:

Person: “I can see that you are very heavy.”

Me (in shock): “What? Oh my lord! When did this happen? I never look at myself in a mirror so I was completely ignorant of my physical appearance! Thank you so much for telling me. I will begin eating broccoli and boiled chicken immediately. Phew!”

Seriously. Go acquire some manners.

And yes people actually utter verbal manure like that to me on the regular, and it is not always people under the age of ten.

8. I am not offended when you mention exercise and diet.

I have a friend who would say “No offense.” to me every time she would mention diet and exercise in a sentence. I am not offended when you talk about pursuing a healthy lifestyle, however singling me out in a group of people when ever you mention a healthy lifestyle is very insulting. Give me a break.

7. If I loose weight and you notice it is perfectly okay to tell me IF we are good friends.

If you don’t really know me shut up. Thanks. I am already hyper aware of my body and how it looks to others. Please for the love don’t make it worse. However if we are besties PLEASE tell me that all my hard work it visible to you.

6. Sometimes I need to make a salty remark about my enormous butt.

If it is funny laugh. Don’t say anything just freakin laugh.

5. If I say I am fat, or feel fat don’t tell me I am beautiful.

I didn’t say I was ugly I said I am fat. Reality is important. Let’s all agree to live in it and not enter the realm of schizophrenia.

4. When I share my story with you don’t be awkward.

I used to be heavier and I lost over 200 pounds. I am however still a planet… well maybe a dwarf planet (shout out to Pluto) but still a planet. Just let me say what I need to say and tell me thanks. Please for the love of all the cookies don’t tell me some story about perseverance. I. Will. Die. Just let me wallow and word vomit. I will get over it. Thanks for listening.

3. Invite me to do all the things!

My besties are amazing at this. When they go hiking they invite me to come even though I am slow and a little broken. They still invite me. They don’t assume I don’t want to go, they ask. They want me to come and they are willing to pay the price. They wait for me when I am slower. As much as I hate that I cannot keep pace with them it means the world to me that they want me to go on adventures with them. ❤️

2. If I don’t ask for your advice about my weight and eating please do not give it to me.

Through the years many well meaning people have given me all sorts of advice and insight into my journey with MY body that I didn’t ask for. Just because I complain about my chubby state does not mean I am open to your opinion about how I should handle my health. I don’t want to hear about your fat aunt Carla’s gastric bypass surgery, or your buddy who tired the hot dog diet. I am not them. Not all fat people are the same.

1. If I have/had a crush on you for the love of God treat me like a human being.

Don’t act like I am a disease. I am a person. I have feelings. My body is only one part of me. It is in a state of flux. I know what I look like and I feel like a tub of lard pretty much all the time. Please don’t confirm all the nightmares of my imagination and react as through someone asked you to pull a turd out of a clogged toilet with your bare hands when the very thought of me having feelings for you comes up. That crap hurts deep. It is a feeling I hope you NEVER experience. No one fat or thin should be worthy of that kind of response. Just say, “She is not my type.”, or “I don’t see her that way.”, not “Eeew! God that is disgusting!”

There are more things I could say but for now I will leave you with these ten things. Hopefully you are a more conscientious human then you were before you read this rambling slightly angry post.

Have a beautiful day.

Just Wait and See

 

Life is an interesting journey. Things have a strange way of coming full circle. I have no idea how that happens sometimes. I mean seriously it is mind boggling! I would love to be less vague but I cannot at this time justify doing so. Just trust me. Mind. Blowing.

I got to thinking about God because well, He’s awesome so why wouldn’t I think about Him? Anyway I was thinking about God, and I realized that He always wins. I am sure that this is not an earth shattering revelation however it is true! God always wins! Even when it looks like He is loosing or has lost somehow He changes things and wins!

So today I was on my way to return a movie to the Redbox and I was nearly creamed by a truck the size of Jupiter. Seriously it was massive and blue. I drive an Altoid tin on wheels (also blue) and if that tank sized behemoth had stuck me I would have been a pancake. Her F350 would have barley had a dent, my Yaris would have had many. Those little cars save on the petroleum but boy howdy do they damage easy! I would know. Trust me. Not only did I somehow defy the laws of the universe and not become a watermelon in Gallagher’s Sledge-O-Matic line up, BUT when I slammed on my breaks there were no cars behind me. None. It is the third of July. Just that is a miracle. She saw me and floored it as slammed it and we missed each other. As I accelerated back to my normal 55 miles per hour I saw a herd of cars approaching behind. It was quite a thing. Through the process of all this blood pumping excitement the audio cable that connects my phone to my car radio snapped in twain. *insert weeping face* Bummer.

So I went to return my shiny little circle to the big red box and as I passed the electronics department I thought I would spy the cable situation. A very nice gentleman directed me to the place I needed to go. A replacement cable was only five bucks! Done. I got it to the car and realized it was actually better than the one that had just broken! Praise the Lord. You see? Even when we loose God works it for good and we win! Yay!!

Now I understand if you don’t quite see the connection I mean a tiny audio cable situation is nothing compared to the loss of a car, home, job, marriage etc you can’t possibly compare them, but you would be wrong sir! The principles of the Kingdom of God are transcendent! Woman what are you talking about? I will tell you! I mean that they apply across the board! If God can turn the audio cable debacle into a blessing than He can do that with anything big or small. Why? How? He is God of EVERYTHING!!! He is the God of all of creation from Cains Majoris to the Higgs-boson. He knows it all. He made it all and He is in it all. God is good. He never ever does anything bad ever, so even when the bad things happen God redeems it. It is His nature because He is GOOD! Jesus is the largest most in your face example of that. It looked like He lost big time and God made that the largest victory of anything ever! Jesus rose from the dead people! In doing so He changed everything forever. He paved the way for His bride to return to where she was always meant to be. We (humans) are His bride. We are meant to be by His side. Jesus is our Redeemer and our Redeemer lives!! We are redeemed! We live in victory! Even when it looks like we lost I promise you it won’t stay that way.

I promise if you feel like you have lost, if you actually have lost something, if you are in the depths of sorrow and you have no idea how things could ever be anything but awful, and dark and poop it will change! Lift your eyes and see your Redeemer lives! Things will suddenly shift. You will look back one day and weep with gratitude. You will look back and see that He was always there doing what He does, turning defeat into victory, evil into good, ashes into beauty, and death into life. I promise. I can do this because I know He won’t ever fail. He will not let me down. He never has and He never will.

People like to ask “Is there anything that God can’t do?” Usually they ask this because they are being a pill and trying to get a rise out of a person but I digress. The answer to the question is yes. There are some things God cannot do. God can’t lie, fail, leave, abandon, kill, destroy, steal, or be evil. God is a good father. He can never ever be a bad one.

That is how life comes full circle. God’s goodness. God’s goodness is the driving force of the universe. Eventually all this stuff will be nothing but beautiful. Just wait and see.

-R.

 

©Rachel Anne Redfield 2016

Life has been changing a lot lately, and also staying the same. I have been struggling through some difficult things. The end of a relationship. Valentine’s Day. 😒 The wedding of a dear friend in Hawaii, my first plane ride, trying to find the top digital marketing agency to help me with my business, and all sorts of other big things are happening. Needless to say I am feeling all the feels. ALL of them.
I have been uninvolved in ministry for a year and a half now. The longing to return is strong and deep. I ache. I feel the call tugging at my heart, pulling me back in that direction. I can see it off in the distance but it is still it is not close enough to touch, I want to lunge at it, but I feel the gentle pressure of my Daddy’s hand holding me back. I hear His voice whisper “Not yet. There are still lessons to learn.” I SO want to rush ahead and just get there already. I want to jump back in so bad! I feel ready to join the team I miss so deeply. I am longing to share what I have to give, and do what I was made for. The struggle is very real. Like really for real, real.
There are all sorts of big things happening for some dear friends and I am so excited and grateful to see it, but I am also very much on the outside looking in. It would be so easy to feel left out. In fact it is really hard not to feel that way, and sometimes (despite my best efforts) I do. I sometimes find it very hard not to feel sorry for myself. Can you relate? I mean honesty, sometimes it seems like the universe is just set up to make self pity impossible to avoid… or is that just me?? I am learning through that I am not a victim of circumstances, instead I am the master of them. God has placed His royal authority upon me, and I have the ability to reign in life. I can also choose to wallow in sorrow and be a victim of life’s splenetic fashion, or I can rise like the warrior princess that I am and choose joy. I can choose peace, truth, and love. I can choose to stand in the authority that being a child of God affords me, and speak to the mountain and sculpt the terrain of life with the faith rooted in my soul. I can stand firm and having done all, stand. This (like many things) is easier known in the head than lived out.  This is the kind of thing one must know both in head and in heart.
There has more than one occasion that has come to test this knowledge. You see this thing, that thing or the other would happen, and I would find myself starring down the barrel of a well traveled train of thought. I heard very familiar words echoing in my head and reverberating through my heart…
“They don’t need you.”
“They don’t really like you.”
“They don’t miss you. In fact they would be better off if you never came back.”
“You weren’t good enough before but now you are oceans below par.”
“You are all washed up. You missed your chance. It’s too late.”
“No one really wants you to come back.”
“You are a disappointment to everyone who knows you.”
“No one really even cares about you.”
“You can’t do anything that is important or special.”
“You have no more songs to sing. Your voice is too loud anyway.”
“Other people can write much better songs than you.”
“You are a failure.”
“No one cares what you have to say, they only listen because they are being nice.”
“You have missed your chance.”
“Give up.”
“No one really knows you, and if they did they would not look at you the same way.”
“Just leave. No one would care.”
For a moment I stood frozen on the tracks . I stood staring at that train of thought, of self loathing, pity, and hatred coming right for me. I held in my hand the ticket to ride that frequented train, then I did something new. I stepped out of the way, tore my ticket to ribbons and let it go right on by without me. The next time something happened that gave me a to ticket to ride that train I was much quicker to step out of the way. I am not going to ride that train of thought anymore. I am not a victim of life’s cantankerous moods, I am a child of God. I matter to Him.
I have come to realize that I need this time of tension, this season of wanting to return and staying quiet. It is so important. The really cool thing is that now I see how crucial this time is for my heart to completely heal. I need to see big exciting things happening without me in the middle of them. I need to know that my fiends are my friends outside of ministry, and that they still want to hang out with me just because they like me and not because they need me. Really they don’t need me. I had the privilege of being along side them in life and I took it for granted. My friends are amazing and I miss chasing dreams and bringing heaven to earth with them. The thing is though, I need to really experience what being valued by others is like when I am not doing a darn thing. I need to learn how to genuinely celebrate that God is doing big things for others when it has nothing to do with me. I am learning that when I see a long dearly held dreams of mine happening for someone close to me it does not threaten the possibility of it happening in my life. You would think after going to so many weddings alone for so many years I would have learned this by now.
I also now understand that this tension is the only way to untangle my identity of who I am from what I do. I am not what I do. I am not what I give. I am not how well I sing, write, pray, or give someone a timely word. I am not ministry, and I am not my church. I am not a human doing. I am a human being.
I am the daughter of the Most High. I am a child of the Mighty King of all kings. I am not what I do. I am a child of God. I don’t need to fear being replaced. I am the only person God made like me. (Can I get a hallelujah?!) Sure other people can do the things I do, and they can probably do them better and you know what? That is okay. My value CAN NOT be rooted in my talents and intellect or my ability to be “the best”. The world is positively saturated with talented brilliant people because every single human person is made in the image of God. God is magnificent! Hello?! I mean how can people not be amazing??!! Being threatened because someone else is awesome is such a huge waste of life. I can’t allow my self worth and identity to be founded in my gifts because other people have the same gifts, but NO ONE gets to have the connection and relationship with Daddy God that I do. No else gets to have the love story I have the the Great Lover of My Soul. Only I feel what happens when Holy Spirit moves in me. The Love of the Father is where my identify and value need to be planted . My relationship with my Father is the only safe harbor of my soul, not my abilities, talents, or how much I am missed when I am gone.
Though this process has been hard and has had more than its fair share of dark nights of the soul, I have learned that God is my source, strength, comfort, fortress, shield, safe place, teacher, lover, provider, and shepherd and so many other amazing amounts of goodness. I have also tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord. Man! He is so good. God is love. God is good. God is faithful, and God is there. God is always, always there.
If you feel God beckoning you to go where you have never gone, please trust Him. I promise if you stay with Him you won’t regret it.
I was terrified to let go of ministry, I was afraid of being left behind, forgotten and replaced. My fears were not true. They were stories I told myself because I had no idea who I was. I would have missed out on such rich deep goodness if my feet had remained on the track of self loathing, pity, and destruction. Sometimes letting go of something can be tremendously scary even when it is killing me because it has become my sense of normal. Self hatred is not normal. Constant fear is not normal. Thinking that everyone is secretly upset with me and just waiting for me to mess up so they can get rid of me is not normal. That is bondage and it is deadly! I had no idea how bound I was. I thought I was doing so good, and I was but I had some deep wounds that just weren’t healing right.
When I was nine I got my face kicked by a teenage boy and the impact broke my nose. When my nose bone healed it healed crooked. Now I have a slight breathing problem at night and sometimes snore. Also I very easily get sinus infections because of my nasal passage being a little off. In order to have that problem fixed I will one day have to allow a physician to once again break my nose. I know that a broken nose is one of the longest most painful healing processes. It was over a year before my face felt normal. I know one day I will have to face that pain again, but it is the only way my broken nose will ever truly be restored.
This process has been like that. My soul has experienced a breaking and it has been good. It has not been easy, or comfortable, but it has been worth it. I may want to rush ahead but I have learned to trust God’s no. Even His no is good. So good. My soul is still healing. God (the greatest physician of all) is watching to make sure as things heal they are all lined up.
He is a good good Father and I know that I am His daughter and nothing will ever tear that from me.

©Rachel Anne Redfield 2016

I’m sure you are wondering where on earth I am going with this one. Well you can read on and you will see! 😉

As you may be aware head lice exist. They are gross. I wonder why on earth God invented them, but I digress. When working in the field of early childhood education one risks exposure to many bugs, and lice (which are actual bugs) are one of those things one may get exposed to. I recently (within the last few months) was exposed to and caught them twice. I have waist length thick hair. Getting head lice is basically my nightmare which unfortunately came to fruition. When I came to terms with the reality that I had them a while back I was very very VERY upset. In fact after talking with my momma I sobbed for twenty minutes. I was worried we might have to cut my hair. I was worried about using a chemical pesticide on my sensitive skin. I was worried about having to miss work. I also wondered which child had given it to me and how many others might have it. I was worried about a great many things.

Worry sucks. If you let it, worry will suck the joy, fun, contentment, majesty, wonder, beauty and life right out of you. Worry is like a python. At first its grip isn’t  so bad, you can still breathe, but then the pressure builds and builds and builds until you die. People think that pythons squeeze the air out of their victims, the truth however is that the external pressure becomes so great that the heart of the victim can no longer pump blood, and the blood flow stops. No blood=no life.

Lice feast on blood. Creepy little bugs. I don’t know if I mentioned this but I had head lice? Yeah the first time I discovered I had them I had a pretty bad case. I had likely had them for a couple of weeks so I had a lot. SO MANY!! Insert weeping sounds here. I was not the only one. We had three cases, and then about a month later we had two more, and I caught them again too. Fortunately I caught it at the beginning and only had two bugs on my entire head and one egg. (Praise the Lamb!!)

Recently… In fact just a half hour ago I treated myself again. My head has been pretty itchy and it turns out I just have dandruff. This brings me back to worry. Every time my head itches… EVERY time I have an internal conversation with myself. ‘Okay Rachel that is the exact same place that itched a minute ago. You have eczema remember? It is flaring right now. Look at your face. You know that is all it is. Clam down.” Still there is this little voice that says “What if…” It’s a trap! A trap that I fell into. Don’t fall into the trap.

Here is yet one more thing I learned from head lice: My parents love me. For reals. When I was first exposed my Da went to the nearest store as soon as it opened and bought me a lice killing kit, and my momma spent over ten, TEN hours treating and combing through all of waist length hair until her body could no longer remain upright. Then the next night she went through it all again to make sure all the eggs were out. I then checked her and to my horror discovered she had a couple bugs on her head. So I combed through her head too. My Da combed my hair every night for two weeks, once a week for two weeks and has since done so again a few times so that I could be absolutely sure I was in the clear. This can take almost an hour. My parents love me. They may not have gotten everything perfect but they love me.

When I found lice on myself and two other kiddos, I and the other teacher checked our kids everyday for a couple of weeks. In order to make sure that we don’t end up with another epidemic I have taken to checking the kids every Monday. I have remained diligent. Even though it had been over a month since our class had three cases I still checked  every single week. This last time there was an outbreak our class was clear. This got me to thinking. Do I do that with my thoughts?

In 2nd Corinthians 10 the bible says ‘…for the weapons of our battle are not of flesh but are enormously powerful, capable of destroying fortresses. We destroy arguments and every pretension raising itself against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive in obedience to Christ…”

For years, so many years I have struggled with knowing the love of God in my heart and also in my head. I knew God loves me. You know yeah God loves me, I need to eat my vegetables and exercise. Blah blah blah. It was like a fact that floated around in my brain, but I wasn’t quite sure it was true. You see as I grew up somewhere back there when I was a wee little thing I got it in my head that there was no God, and if there was He hated me. When I came to the point in life that I accepted God was in fact there I never really dealt with the second portion of that way thinking. I have, since the beginning of my walk of faith struggled with the love of the Father. It makes no sense. Seriously the grand, resplendent, extravagant, unrelenting love of God makes no sense to my brain. I began to see that in order to walk with God I needed my heart to be part of the equation and that is when I got stuck.

When I gave my life to Jesus I fell madly in love with God, yet deep in the jungle of my heart there was a mighty fortress that was setup to destroy the truth of Father’s love for me. A giant lie from the pit remained standing tall: God hates me.

I loved God with all my heart, yet all the while in the deepest part of myself I believed God hated me. I was always trying to do more, to serve God more, to be better so that maybe He would like me just a little. I was always so worried that something would happen and I would fall short, or be left alone desolate. I drove myself mad trying to undo this belief that was buried so deep, yet I would never face it. I didn’t even realize it was there. I was not willing to do what was needed to actually make it better. You see I had to let God in. I had to trust Him with my ENTIRE heart. I had to let Him have it all… even the parts I was afraid of… even the ugly gnarly bits. Even the dark scary parts of my wild heart the contents of which I knew not. He wanted access to it all.

Did you know that your heart has thoughts? Well it does! It is a scientific fact. The heart contains 40,000 neurons. Neurons are brain cells. Part of your brain is in your heart, and there are a few in your stomach too, but that is irrelevant for the purpose of this discussion. The bible says in Proverbs 23:7a For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. So deep down in my heart I thought God hated me. I thought when I was a wee tiny girl God hated me and that terrible lie grew up with me and became a gigantic stronghold. That lie became a hiding place for the enemy of my soul to lie to me and work to destroy me.

I tried so hard to be good. I thought I could work or think my way to be good enough. I worked and worked but never felt at peace. I never felt loved by the Father. I never felt loved by my family, or friends. I felt hated, and I was sure that if someone didn’t hate me yet it was only a matter of time until they did. I even hated myself. I tried not to because hate is not something a good Christian does, but honestly I did. I hated myself.

A few months ago, about two weeks before the first head lice incident I finally gave up. I surrendered. I told God He could have all of my heart; all the nasty gnarly bits, and the dark scary places that I didn’t know the contents of. I was chocking and gasping through my tears as I gave it, but I gave it all to Him. I finally gave God my ENTIRE heart.

I had no idea what was going to happen next. Honestly I was a little freaked out. I was in uncharted waters. I still am in uncharted waters but I am no longer afraid, I know that I am not alone. The repercussions of that moment are still unfolding and I don’t know who I be when the dust settles, but I can say that from that moment forward nothing was, nor will it ever be the same.

It is incredible how different things look now that I have allowed God to have everything. He has used head lice to show me that my parents love me and so many other things. He used the end of my relationship to show me that my church family loves me, and I am not alone. God told me the week before the head lice that everything was about to change and boy He wasn’t kidding.

Life is crazy, messy, and chaos. Life is glorious, radiance, and beauty. God is so incredibly good. He can take any awful ugly thing you give Him and turn it into the most beautiful work of art you couldn’t have imagined. God is glorious. God is gracious. God is love.

God works miracles, and He brings beauty out of ashes. He can turn brokenness into love, and He can turn head lice to lessons. He works all things for good.

©Rachel Anne Redfield 2015