Tentacles slither up my limbs and encircle me. Vines of inky emptiness pull at me. Slice through my skin. From where do these ribbons of pain come? I know not. I stumble. I grasp. I grope. Where am I going? Where am I at all? I fall hard. My fingers reach desperately to find something… anything! Freedom!! Comfort! Where are you?! Safety! Do you even exist? Oh why this wretched black? It surrounds like a blanket. A blanket that never ends. Heavy. Thick. Oh despair! My breath catches in my throat. My throat so dry. I gasp. I gulp. I cough. I groan. So miserable am I. So lost. So blind. Confusion you have become familiar to me. Fear you have become my air. Agony my drink. Loneliness my supper. Where is my Love? What is hope? What is joy? What is light? A joke? A dream? A folly perhaps? I don’t know anymore. I know of nothing else, only shadow now. Darkness is my whole world. I can bear it no longer. Oh God! Please end this.
My eyes tingle. They hurt. They squeeze shut. What terror now awaits? They water and burn. I blink a hundred times to find relief. What is happening?! A cool breeze rushes across my face. I see… I SEE! What do I behold? I cannot tell. I squint and strain. Could it be? A… light! Yes light! I see light! Oh how glorious! How beautiful! My heart leaps. I crawl towards it. I long for it. The darkness stirs. It heaves. It seems as determined to keep me as I am to leave it. Something stirs inside. Oh what sublimity! What grandeur awaits in that illumination? I must reach it! The tendrils that one held so tight begin to slip. Their release produces fire in my being. I care not. I press on. My soul burns inside me. What is it? I must have it! I draw closer, it grows in brilliance. My heart hears something inside it. I feel it pulling me. The darkness howls. It reaches for me. It slices through me. It wraps around me. I cannot scream. I cannot breathe. I feel myself weaken. Oh luminosity! Please come to me! I desire you! Don’t you see how desperate I am for you? How hard I reach for you? My heart calls to you! Do you hear? I am slipping. The darkness pulls me back. I am disappearing. I am doomed. Oh light! Oh Love! Save me!
“NO MORE! That is My beloved! Once lost. Now found. Always mine!”
The light explodes! The darkness screams in anger. It flees in every direction, as if for its very life. I feel air return to me. Arms so strong lift me. Hands so tender bind all my wounds. My thirst is no more. My pain a memory. My heart soars. I remember this! My Love has found me. Oh my Love! It was You my heart could hear! You were the treasure I was seeking! I so lost, now found. Found by Love. Oh Light! Oh Love! You are real! You are real! You are Freedom! You are Comfort! You are Safety! You are Hope! You are Joy! You are real! You are real! With You I will stay. You are Light! I am Yours! You are mine!
You are Love.
©Rachel Anne Redfield 2012